Healed and Happy

So many people lose sight of themselves as time goes on and they get older. I see the comments and questions often on social media:

“I’m making little me proud.”, “How would younger you feel about how you are living your life?”, “Honor your inner child!”

The truth is I’ve been unhappy for a very long time. Young Sam was just as moody as I am today. I spent a lot of time in my own world, sticking to myself.

Teenage Sam felt so out of place. It was as if everyone around me was enjoying the high school and college experience while I couldn’t find anything to enjoy.

It feels like by now I should have figured how to be happy or at least how to better conceal my inner turmoil for the sake of those around me. But I haven’t. Another day goes by that I just don’t feel…happy.

Lately I’ve been thinking that I don’t have what it takes to be an active member of society and honestly I don’t know that I really want to participate in the first place.

Maybe my meds are off. Maybe this is just my personal discourse. I can usually ignore it but having just lost my job and being so out of my element, I’ve been forced to face the music.

I’m hoping to do better for myself in. the coming months. Maybe this is my opportunity to find the root of this emptiness and discover a way to fill myself up. I really hope I will finally be able to soothe my inner child and give her the life she deserves. Maybe it’s time to get rid of all the maybes.