All I want is to lead a productive and successful life. I take two steps forward and 20 steps back.
I’ve been working so hard at this life. To have a good work ethic and take care of myself and get my work done, and be dependable and and and…and it never ends.
It’s like there is this perpetual monster living in my house and following me everywhere I go. It watches for any moment of weakness or any opportunity to pull the rug out from under me.
“You thought you were doing well? Not for much longer!”
All he does is sit there and taunt me and remind me that this winning streak will inevitably come crashing down. I can feel him breathing down my neck, with every success I accomplish and every good day I have he just sits there, waiting, knowing.
I’ve worked so hard to make my life one worth living. I put in the time and effort, I’ve taken the meds, I’ve done the breathing exercises, created a routine and somehow he still wins.
How? Is it me? Am I so weak that I let this fictional monkey on my back rule my life?
I’m fighting an uphill battle and I am losing. He’s waiting at the top of this hill to push me back down again, only to watch me struggle to pick myself back up.
So when do I stop trying? When is enough enough and when do I let him win this exhausting game he loves so much?
Sam Pursues 