Making Love

Making Love is such a beautiful thing. 

These are such strange times but, times that have shown me a side of life I’ve never gotten to enjoy.

The mention of ‘Making Love’ brings such a specific picture to mind. It’s two people, it’s sexual, it’s only available through another person. I am learning that sincerely is not the case.

Having so much free time truly has shown me the shadows of myself that I was not ready to shine light on. Since I was fourteen I have had work. Since my first job, I have never been without one which is such a blessing. However, as time went on I used a busy schedule and solid work ethic as a coping mechanism for my anxiety and depression. By keeping my hands busy and my mind occupied, I eliminated the option to discover what my interests were. By the second week of the COVID-19 quarantine I realized that I had been using my job as a crutch. I was solely focused on work, but being a workaholic is not a personality trait. 

Getting used to my new routine felt so foreign. As the weeks go by I find myself spending time on the smaller moments. The simplest details feel ecstatic now. I love listening to my music loud enough to drown out my own singing. Closing my eyes, I fall deeper into stretches that reach muscles I was unaware of before. My skincare routine has turned into a meditation, spa session, and massage smoothed into one. I find myself swaying, moving to the music based on my body’s intuition. I have been Making Love to myself in the most beautifully pure ways. I Make Love to myself through the seemingly insignificant rituals of my day to day life.

The last week has been difficult. I’ve felt unmotivated. I’ve felt defeated and small. Disconnected. Apathetic. I’ve just been emotionally numb. I assumed watching a sappy movie would give me the good cry that my heart needed.

Last night I took time to Make Love to myself. I Gave Love through stretching and moving. I Received Love through music, as well as bad reality TV (90 Day Fiancé). I Made Love to myself through writing. I had the emotional release my body had been craving and needing deeply. I cried for the first time in over a month, and, if you know me you know that is an eternity.

I have not felt so whole in a very long time. My soul is full and finally feels like it can rest peacefully. That loving energy is still deep in us all. Tap in.