My Declaration of Self-Help

I’m a waitress. One thing I hear constantly from my managers and coworkers is “don’t be afraid to ask for help”. I don’t like that. I am not good at asking for help; it makes me extremely uncomfortable and halfway through asking for it, I normally decide it was a mistake and try to reverse everything I just said. Recently someone very close to me gave me the same piece of advice. It is very difficult for me to open up and make myself vulnerable; my writing is probably the only place I even get close to fully expressing myself, and even then I still don’t fully express myself. After many years struggling internally I have decided that this isn’t something I want to do anymore. I don’t want to keep everything in and hold grudges and continue to never truly deal with what I am feeling. I have grown so much on my own. I used to be extremely insecure. I felt that physically and mentally I was less than everyone else. I am no longer in that place and I definitely don’t deal with intense depression like I used to. I am very happy most of the time. I know every day isn’t going to be above and beyond fantastic, but my problem is more with the same problems reoccurring and not  making any progress getting through them. I have the strongest feeling that the next year of my life is going to be a huge period of growth, but I don’t think I can grow to my full potential without help. Today I officially asked for help and I am going to force myself to follow through with it.